Ancient Scribes in Syria: The Hilarious Tale of Alphabet Soup

In the dusty, ancient city of Umm-el Marra, where the only thing older than the buildings might be the bread recipes, archaeologists from Johns Hopkins University have unearthed what could be the earliest known alphabetic writings. These aren’t just any scribbles; they’re carved on clay cylinders no bigger than your finger, making them the ancient equivalent of a tweet before Twitter was even a dream in Elon Musk’s eye.

The writing, dating back to a time when ‘BCE’ was the latest fashion statement (circa 2400 BCE), has thrown a monkey wrench into the scholarly consensus about the alphabet’s origin. Until now, everyone thought alphabets began when Egyptians got bored of hieroglyphics and wanted something simpler to doodle during coffee breaks. But nope! These Syrian scribes were already playing with letters 500 years earlier.

“Alphabets made writing accessible to more than just the high rollers and fancy pants of society,” explains Glenn Schwartz, the professor who found these little time capsules. “It was like when everyone got a mobile phone; suddenly, everyone’s an author.”

The cylinders were found in a tomb, alongside blingy jewelry, cookware that probably wasn’t dishwasher safe, and what looks like an early attempt at a spear. These clay pieces of history had holes in them, suggesting they might have been ancient labels. “Perhaps they said ‘property of Bob, do not touch’ or ‘contains wheat, may contain nuts’,” Schwartz speculates, adding, “without Rosetta Stone, we’re just guessing here.”

Schwartz is set to spill the beans (or rather, the alphabet soup) at the Annual Meeting of the American Society of Overseas Research. Imagine the excitement: “Hey, wanna hear about some really old letters? Not the mail kind, but the alphabet kind!”

So, next time you’re writing a text, remember, you’re not just texting; you’re partaking in a tradition that might have started when someone in ancient Syria got tired of pictograms and decided to simplify things. Here’s to making history, one glyph at a time!